I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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