My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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