Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
