where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
