Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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