i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
