I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
