I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
