You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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