I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
