I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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