It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize