I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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