sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
