You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
