I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
