Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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