i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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