no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
