he puts the penis in happiness.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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