He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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