so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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