i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
