I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
