Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
