he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
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Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
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Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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