i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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