chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
