My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
