Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Be still, my beating vagina.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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