he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
