Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
