yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
