dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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