And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
