how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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