Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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