JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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