you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
