Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
