Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Where is the hickey?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
