I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
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Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
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All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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