help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
