Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
