Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
