Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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