he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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