I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
