i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
we're so committed to being not committed
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
