Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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