Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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