You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
