i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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