I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
