you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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