he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
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Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
God, I missed his penis.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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