i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
