I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
last night I used snow as a chaser
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
