i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
