She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
