Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
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i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
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I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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