chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
