I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
