i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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