Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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