I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
