My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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