Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
