I think I won the penis lottery.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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