Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
