i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
