mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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