he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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