nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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