i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
