ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Couch. On fire.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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