I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
