Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Semen is not good for contacts.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
